There was a secret behind Lenin”s life too.
列宁的亲密朋友兼同事 Trotsky 著有《青年列宁》一书。书中写到，列宁十六岁时，曾从颈上扯下十字架，向它吐口水，再将它踩在脚下 — 这是撒殚教中常见的一种仪式。
I have read The Young Lenin by Trotsky, who was Lenin”s intimate friend and co-worker. He writes that Lenin, at the age of sixteen, tore the cross from his neck, spat on it, and trod it underfoot, a very common Satanist ceremony.
Lenin was moved to write as follows about the Soviet state:
The state does not function as we desired. How does it function? The car does not obey. A man is at the wheel and seems to lead it, but the car does not drive in the desired direction. It moves as another force wishes.
What is this other mysterious force which supersedes even the plans of the Bolshevik leaders? Did they sell out to a force which they hoped to master, but which proved more powerful than even they anticipated and drove them to despair?
列宁在其 1921 年的一封信中写道：
In a letter of 1921 Lenin wrote:
I hope we will be hanged on a stinking rope. And I did not lose the hope that this would happen, because we cannot condemn dirty bureaucracy. If this happens, it will be well done.
This was Lenin”s last hope after a whole life of struggle for the Communist cause: to be justly hanged on a stinking rope. This hope was not fulfilled for him, but almost all of his co-workers were eventually executed by Stalin after confessing publicly that they had served other powers than the proletariat they pretended to help.
It is interesting to note that at the age of thirteen, Lenin wrote what could be called prophetic poetry foretelling the bankruptcy in which his life would end. He had decided to serve mankind, but without God. These were his words:
Sacrificing your life freely for others,
It is a pity you will have the sad fate
That your sacrifice will be completely fruitless.
“我犯了一个巨大的错误。我感到，我在无数受害者的血海中迷失了 — 这就是我的梦魇。太迟了，我们已不能回头，不能救我们的国家：俄国。我们需要像 Assisi 的 Francis 那样的人。如果有十个那样的人，我们就能救俄国。”
Lenin, founder of the Soviet state, said on his deathbed,
I committed a great error. My nightmare is to have the feeling that I”m lost in an ocean of blood from the innumerable victims. It is too late to return. To save our country, Russia, we would have needed men like Francis of Assisi. With ten men like him we would have saved Russia.
It might be instructive at this point to take a look at some modern Marxists. Bukharin, secretary general of the Communist International and one of the chief Marxist doctrinaires in this century, as early as the age of twelve, after reading the Book of Revelation in the Bible, longed to become the Antichrist. Realizing from Scripture that the Antichrist had to be the son of the apocalyptic great whore, he insisted that his mother confess to having been a harlot.
About Stalin he wrote, “He is not a man, but a devil.”
Too late Bukharin realized into whose hands he had fallen. In a letter which he made his wife memorize just before his arrest and execution, he said:
I am leaving life. I am lowering my head…. I feel my helplessness before a hellish machine… ?
他曾出力竖立了一个断头台 — 杀害了数以百万计人民的苏联，最后才知道这设计来自地狱。他曾渴望成为敌基督，但他只成为了敌基督的受害者之一。
He had helped erect a guillotine – the Soviet state- – that had killed millions, only to learn in the end that its design had been made in hell. He had desired to be the Antichrist. He became instead a victim of the Enemy.
“我开始明白斯大林是如何把自己捧上神坛的了。他没有丝毫人性。即使他偶尔表露出一些情感，那些情感也不像是属于他的。它们就像盔甲上的鳞片一样 虚假，而鳞片后面，就是斯大林本身 — 一块钢板。基于某种理由，我相信斯大林能万岁……因为他根本不是人……
Similarly, Kaganovitch, Stalin”s brother-in-law and closest collaborator, writes about him in his diary (soon to be published):
I started to understand how Stalin managed to make himself a god. He did not have a single human characteristic… . Even when he exhibited some emotions, they all did not seem to belong to him. They were as false as the scale on top of armor. And behind this scale was Stalin himself-a piece of steel. For some reason I was convinced that he would live forever…. He was not human at all… .
斯大林向 Kaganovitch 描述了他的“灵性修练”。各宗教的信仰者在修法时，会想象美丽、智慧、善良的事物，以助他们变得更加慈悲；而斯大林则沉迷于恰恰相反的修习中。
“当我要向某人道别时，我想象此人四肢着地，然后他变得非常恶心。有时我会觉得有点喜欢某个应该被清除的人，你猜我会怎么做？我会想象这人正在拉 屎、发出恶臭、放屁、呕吐 — 然后我就不会再对此人感到内疚。他越快停止在地球上发臭越好。于是，我会发自内心地处理掉此人。”
Stalin described to Kaganovitch his spiritual exercise. Believers of various religions engage in the practice of meditation on what is beautiful, wise, and good, to help them become more loving. Stalin indulged in just the opposite practice.
He told Kaganovitch:
When I have to say good-bye to someone, I picture this person on all fours and he becomes disgusting. Sometimes I feel attached to a person who should be removed for the good of the cause. What do you think I do? I imagine this person shitting, exhaling stench, farting, vomiting – and I don”t feel sorry for this person. The sooner he stops stinking on this earth, the better. And I cross this person out of my heart.
One of Stalin”s amusements was to put green glasses on the eyes of horses to make them see hay as grass. Even worse, he put dark glasses of atheism on the eyes of men to keep them from seeing God”s pastures, reserved for believing souls.
我认为，他在秘密从事占星。他有一个特点总是令我吃惊：他经常隐蔽地说出对神和宗教的尊敬。开始我以为这只是我的想象，但逐渐我意识到这是真的。 不过，他触及这一主题时总是小心翼翼，我从来都搞不明白他的准确观点是什么。但我至少清楚一件事：他对待神明和宗教的方式非常特别，例如，他从未直接说神 不存在。
The diary contains many revealing insights:
Many times Stalin spoke of religion as our most vicious enemy. He hates religion for many reasons, and I share his feelings. Religion is a cunning and dangerous enemy… Stalin also thinks that separation from children should be the main punishment for all parents belonging to sects, irrespec-tive of whether they were convicted or not.
I think he secretly engaged in astrology. One peculiar feature of his always astonished me. He always talked with some veiled respect about God and religion. At first, I thought I was imagining it, but gradually I realized it was true. But he was always careful when the subject came up. And I was never able to find out exactly what his point of view was. One thing became very clear to me – his treatment of God and religion was very special. For example, he never said directly there was no God. . .
People ceased somehow to be their own selves in his presence. They all admired him and worshiped him. I don”t think he enjoyed any great love of the nation: he was above it. It may sound strange, but he occupied a position previously reserved only for God.